And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, “In one year, I
am going to make it rain, and cover the whole earth with water
until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous
people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore
I am commanding you to build an Ark.” In a flash of lighting,
God delivered the specifications for an ark. In fear and trembling,
Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark. “Remember,” said
the Lord, “You must complete the Ark and bring everything
aboard in one year.”
Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth
and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw
that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. “Noah,” he
shouted, “Where is the Ark?”
“ Lord, please forgive me!” cried Noah. I did my
best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get Resource
Consent for construction and your plans did not meet the codes.
I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans and get
an engineers report from the Council. Then I got into a fight
with NZ Fire Service over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkle
system and smoke alarms, and the Ministry of Health over the
provision of smoking or non smoking areas. Then the Residents
Association objected, claiming I was violating watercraft and
therefore a threat to existing homes.
Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because
of the ban on native logging on the West Coast. They tried to
get me to use Fijian Jara but I couldn’t get the necessary
dispensation from Customs & Excise to import timber from
a Pacific Island nation that wasn’t party to the international
working party on the life cycle of native timbers. I finally
convinced DOC that I needed the wood to indirectly save the Kakapo
from extinction, which seemed to get a bit of a reaction, however,
the Royal Forest and Bird Society objected and won’t let
me catch any Kakapo. No Kakapo. No wood.
Under the new Employment Relations Act, the carpenters formed
a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement
under the provisions of good faith bargaining before anyone would
pick up a saw or a hammer. OSH arrived and now I have to produce
a Hazard Management and Safety procedure before they start work
and ACC are insisting we pre-pay our annual premiums on the basis
we may not be returning. So now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark,
but no Kakapo and no wood. When news got out that I was to round
up other animals, MAF arrived and insisted I build quarantine
facilities to hold them in for the 6 months of sailing. They
also wanted blood samples to prove no genetic engineering practices
were involved.
The next thing I know, the Regional Council is knocking on
my door. They want an Environmental Impact Report on the proposed
flood: the area it would cover, the amount of water in cubic
metres, impact on local micro-ecosystems, velocity and force
of water, cost to manufacturing and production and local transport,
areas for possible relocation and resettlement. I tried telling
them they were missing the point entirely.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the
Equal Opportunities Commission and the Race Relations Office
that our selection criteria does not fairly reflect the age,
gender, religious and race diversity of Earth.
Finally WINZ has waded in. They have seized my assets for alleged
non-payment of child support. It seems a local netball coach
is claiming I knocked her up last year at the tapu lifting ceremony
for the relocation of the New Plymouth cemetery. Mrs Noah is
beside herself. She’s enrolled herself in the Women in
Leadership Seminar and has applied to the Waitangi Tribunal for
her share of Tainui’s corporate box at Ericson stadium
and is leaving me. I really don’t think I can finish the
Ark for another five or six years,” Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas
began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up
hopefully.“ You mean you are not going to destroy the earth,
Lord?”“ No,” said the Lord sadly. “I
don’t have to. The government already has.”
Moss Brothers have found that having a Price List is not a
true reflection of what our clients want or what’s important
to them. In fact a price list is only a true reflection of what
a builder would like to supply their client and that’s
not how the public would like to be treated these days. From
listening to what the proposed new homeowner would like, they
are asking for a reasonably accurate guide of the cost of what
they may want to build. To help achieve this we have listed here
two average $ per m² rates: 1) the regional average (that’s
lower half of the north island), and 2) the Moss Brothers average.
Because we are designers as well as builders, the Moss Brothers
average has been struck from what our clients have been asking
us to design, specify and build. A Moss Brothers quote is put
together by what we call the “pricing mix” and that
mix is made up of four main ingredients: 1) the client’s
budget, 2) the client’s preferred house style, 3) the client’s
living and family requirements i.e. how many bedrooms, bathrooms,
living areas or verandas etc and 4) what’s important to
the client i.e. what materials the client to build with. The
only other price Moss Brothers give is the showhome because in
this instance the builder (being Moss Brothers) has chosen the
pricing mix.
Interestingly, even using this method, it’s important
to point out that the larger the house is the $ cost per m² reduces
and adversely the smaller the house the greater the $ cost per
m². Some explanations are the bulk-buying factor of a larger
building and the lesser percentage of kitchens, bathrooms and
service areas to the overall size of the average larger house.
The price for the Sheffield Homestead Show-Home is approximately
$375,000 incl GST (to be confirmed on completion) as-is, including
floor coverings, drapes, light fittings, heating units and appliances
but excludes services i.e. power, water, sewerage, gas and phone
connection from foundation to connection point. Services are
priced separately on a project-by-project basis as specific site
information is obtained.
It must be emphasised that the dollar sum figures listed on
the Pricing Info Sheet does not form part of any Moss Brothers “price
list”. Further to this, they cannot be considered as the “Moss
Brothers” per m² rate to build a house. Please note
that these figures are gross assessments only and are for general
interest and comparison and not for quotations.
Please remember, we consider you to be a valued inquirer, however
if you would no longer like to receive this bi-monthly newsletter
just phone, fax or email the office and we’ll take the
necessary action.
More and more inquires and sales are from beyond the toll free
area of our office. Because of this, for your convenience we have
a 0800 free-help phone line to our office. So if you have any questions
or queries you can contact me on 0800-66-77-27. Also our new usual
phone number has changed to 06-370-2058
